About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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