he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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