I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
