I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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