So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
