your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it glows. i had to have it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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