He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
