Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize