I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
