Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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