Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
