Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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