Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
