I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
