I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
