you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
