well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
