His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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