Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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