Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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