I am puke
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize