when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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