thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
