believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
