I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
