'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
