Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The air was thick with penises
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
