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• (323): View more from California

  my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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• (925): View more from California

  Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

  (1-925): View more from California

  If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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• (916): View more from California

  I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina

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• (512): View more from Texas

  We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"

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