tell your sister to shave her snatch
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
