My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
