also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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