I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
