I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
