I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
