is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize