I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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