oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
