I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
