somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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