I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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