I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
