Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
