Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
