i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We need to get me chipped asap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize