she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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