we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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