girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize