my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
