Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
