im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
