so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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