are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
