He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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