When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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