I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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