So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
