i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
