im six kinds of drunk right now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
