god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize