shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
