How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
