So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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