i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
