well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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