I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
