we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
