I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
