I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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