dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She swung at the pinata with crutches
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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