I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Someone shattered a urinal.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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