its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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