...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
