ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
