she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
