Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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