oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
