I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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