wrigley field is MILF paradise
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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