He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
