I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
