I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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