Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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