by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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