Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
