I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
