one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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