Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
