Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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