Having a random hookup so left but love u
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
