just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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