Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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