So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
