I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
