why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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