hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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