I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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