Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize