Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
