i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
