I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
