yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
