very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
